So there’s been some cool energy moving around lately. It feels like a cosmic shift is taking place—some kind of awakening that’s helping us to shed the old and make space for the new.
And it’s really exciting because, during all this, I’ve been on a “step into my power” kick. Being willing to defy my limiting beliefs and become a warrior—like William Wallace in “Braveheart.” On the front line, blue shit all over my face, totally ready to swing my sword around and scream a whole lot. Awesome.
I’ve been rallying the troops too. I’ve garnered a group of powerful women to support this Goddess Movement, and the group is growing. I’ve been having so much fun with it, feeling dauntlessly unstoppable on this path we’re blazing together.
Spiritual Revolution, thou art my bitch.
However, I had a startling ah-ha the other day. Out of nowhere, a veritable orgasm of bubble-bursting reality shook me right to my smug little core:
I’m not mature enough to be William Wallace…and I don’t WANT to be.
It’s not that I don’t want to empower women or support them in their endeavors to realize their greatness. And it’s not that I, myself, don’t want to be great. But interestingly enough, the closer I am to stepping into my power, the more I feel myself backpedal away from it—the more I cling to my familiar, destructively limiting habits.
Why? Because everything else is unknown, and therefore dangerous.
What will my life look like once I become this person? What will happen to the girl I’ve always been? And who is the woman that will be left standing once that girl is gone?
I never noticed my Peter Pan complex, but I totally have one. Horrified by adulthood, petrified of being powerful. “Where’s the fun in all that responsibility, Spiderman? Let’s go to Neverland and party balls with the Lost Boys.”
As I sit with this ah-ha, it brings to light how much I’ve been living for “when”—WHEN I do this, then I’ll do that. “When I get ‘there’ then I’ll take action.” Until then…I’ll just keep daydreaming about it.
Living for “when” supports the belief that we’re not ready yet. And as long as we’re not ready, there’s no need for empowerment. We don’t have to take action. If you think about it, powerlessness is the most miserable and delicious paradox. It supports the illusion that we’re small…so we get to hide and stay safe.
But at the end of the day, our size is up to us.
That said, if I setup shop in Neverland where I’m perpetually too immature to be powerful, I have to live with the fact that I’m consciously making that choice—I’m choosing to believe that the tar pit is a day spa.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that when we make a choice, we have to let something go. Otherwise, we’re just riding the fence, and progress doesn’t take place on the fence. It happens in the trenches.
This is where I leave you: To become a true warrior, you have to know when to surrender…and when to grow up.