So, I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but there have been times in my life when expressing my emotions was difficult. Not because I couldn’t find the words, but because I didn’t have the confidence or courage to say how I felt without worrying that I would end up looking foolish or made wrong somehow. Some folks have no problem venting to the source of their irritation; while others choose to keep quiet and allow their pain and frustration to fester into a soul-sucking parasite that eight lifetimes of therapy couldn’t possibly contend with.
Either way, I’ve always found that when I fall into the aforementioned “pro-parasite group,” writing a letter to my source of pain sometimes helps alleviate the pressure. You know the letter I’m talking about, right? That therapeutic, “F*CK YOU” you’ll never send?
Parenthetically speaking, I wrote one of those letters to Vin Diesel once. Of course, I actually sent that letter so it’s not exactly the same thing, but I digress. Getting back to the point, lately I’ve been on this big spiritual journey, as some of you may know. Stepping into my power, becoming the woman I’m destined to become, all that good shit. It sounds super la-la magical—and it is, don’t get me wrong. When you know you’re on the cusp of making powerful changes in your life, changes that will set you free from your smallness, it’s a very exciting time. It’s like holding the key that unlocks a world of infinite possibility. A world where there is nothing you cannot have, do or become. More than anything, you want to live in that world—and you will! …As soon as you figure out how that damn key works.
What does this have to do with writing emotionally charged letters, you might be wondering? Patience, grasshopper.
Here’s the thing: A lot of us think that in order for big changes to occur, big changes have to take place first. And of course, the bigger the change, the more obvious it will be once we’ve made it, right? You revamp your wardrobe. BOOM! Change. You bust your ass at the gym for six months. BAM! Change. You quit your day job for Mime College. DOH! Change, immediately followed by regret. But change isn’t always as cut and dry as, “I think I’ll give Boho-Chic a try,” or, “calories in/calories out.” Sometimes the most monumental changes come from the subtlest of shifts. Like surrendering. Practicing non-resistance. Letting go of an outmoded thought pattern. Deciding to trust that you’re supported by something bigger than you, no matter what. These types of shifts don’t typically produce fast results. In fact, you may not even realize you’re changing until one day it simply occurs to you, “Hmm…I used to be this way, and now I’m not. When did that happen?”
The kicker is, subtle changes can often be the hardest to make. I don’t know about you, but the dynamics of cutting carbs and doing Pilates are a hell of a lot easier than surrendering or practicing non-resistance. Being with what is, actually FEELING my dark emotions instead of doing whatever I can to “fix” them or make them go away—that’s HARD. Partially because, it’s so subtle, you may think you’re doing it when you’re not. Example: the other day I was talking to a life coach friend of mine and I said, “I think I’ve got a pretty good action plan for this whole ‘surrender’ thing.” After she stopped laughing she asked, “Isn’t surrender more about NON-action?” To which I could only reply with a deflated sigh.
Alas, back to the drawing board.
So here we are, my patient readers. We’ve arrived at “Full Circle.” Writing letters when you don’t know how else to express your frustration; or in my case…when you really, really, really want to step into the world of unlimited potential, but don’t know how to make the magic key work.
With that being said, allow me to get to the first of many letters I have to write.
Dear Magic Key,